1. I am very critical of myself.
2. I have more aches and pains than most people in their early thirties.
3. My kids make me crazy.
4. I usually take 2 baths a day, and throw in a shower a couple times a week to wash my hair.
5. I like Miller Lite.
6. I miss my parents.
7. I am not as good at things as people think. (is that me being critical?)
8. I never thought I would end up with a man that I made happy, or that made me happy.
9. I like nice things.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

1. Come home and lets watch a movie in bed.
2. We will find the right place for you.
3. Life is easier if you learn to bend with the breeze.
4. I just want you up here.
5. I would rater be spending time with you.
6. Can you see the reality behind the dreams?
7. We are very concerned about your health, are you?
8. Stop frolicking in the flowers and get to work!
9. Can I write a check?
10. Please buy our house.

I am overloaded to the point of being paralyzed. Every one wants something from me. I can't figure out how to make it all work out. I don't even want to talk about it. Its depressing. All I can do is start cleaning things out. But what about all of the things I cant get rid of. How do others cope? Can I live this way? I can't move.

This is it. The time has come. It has been on my mind for months now. I can no longer handle the customers at work, I can no longer handle having no time to myself, and I don't know if I can take much more pushing from my husband. I have tried to compromise and consider my options but I am continuously led back to the fact that there are aspects of my job I just don't want to have to deal with. I like the environment, and I like the people I work with. I feel greatly that I am letting them down, but I must strive for a less stressful existence. No one wants to work with a bitch, and that is what I am becoming.

I have spent the last week trying to figure out how I was going to tell Kimi. She just returned from vacation, and she has family in town. It just seems like its never going to be the right time to break the news. I am sure posting to live journal isn't the best way to break the news either, but I don't want this to be a big deal, I don't want her to take it personally. I would rather everyone know so there is no speculation on my reasons for quitting. I am starting to fear for the lives of the customers, and I would like to spare my coworkers from having to hear me complain all of the time.

I am planning on working until the end of the summer vacation. I will be done by the start of the new school year. That will allow time for someone to be trained, and hopefully get more product labeled for an ease in transition. I don't want to leave anyone hanging.

Making a graceful exit is difficult. I have never really cared about a job enough to worry about quitting when I felt the time was right. There are now 2 additional employees, and though one is only in it for a 6 month stint, the other has voiced her desire to go full time, or near full time. Replacing me shouldn't be hard, and given a month or so of training I think Boomerang will be good to go.

I have no idea whats next for me. I don't know if working is in the cards, or if I will be putting in some serious hours on the house and property. I know money will be tight. (We are getting close to selling our florida property) I am looking forward to a little more childless free time, and having more flexibility in my schedule. I am also looking forward to having mornings that I don't actually dread the day ahead of me. I am ready to complete some projects, and lose a little weight, walk at the DNR again and lift this 300 lb weight off my shoulders.

I miss myself. I need relief, and I can't make it work any other way.

PS: Sorry Kimi.

I have reached a point where I have to decide what to do. Change is inevitable and I must figure out how to use it to my best advantage. I have run lots of scenarios in my head. The hardest factor is that my husband doesn't feel the need to modify. He wants everything to be the same way it has always been, minus me being stressed out, plus me being happy.

Work is changing, John has moved out of the trailer, and Chet starts school in the fall. Not to mention a summer trip to Florida, and a family trip with the Schlangens to visit grandparents. The next few months will be crazy to say the least.

I must get it together. It is time to make a plan.

My mother will be here tomorrow night. All I want is to go get a massage, and a night out. Oh, yeah, a morning to sleep would be fantastic too! Hooray for MOM!

After long conversation with myself, it has been decided that I officially miss my husband. Now, don't get me wrong, I am NOT lonely. I have plenty to keep me company, but its just not the same as having him around. I have been enjoying my me time, and have enjoyed occasional company. I am doing good.

I miss being able to cook dinner in peace, and not having to bath the kids and rush them off to bed at night. I wish he was here to watch tv with me, and joke around about stupid shit no one would understand but us. I am holding it together. I have decided not to do a bunch of stuff just because it needs to be done. I am going to spend my time doing what I feel like doing (we are still talking in the perimeters of productiveness).

I am excited that my mother will be here soon. The kids are going to be so happy to have her here. I am hoping for a morning to sleep, and just overall help with child care and cooking. She likes those things so I figure its a win-win. Well, I get an extra win because she bought the ticket too.

I have definitely been learning a lot about survival with two small children over the last week or so. I can only imagine how much more I will learn over the next 5. I am grouchy. I will soon have to get over it. I figure by the time Dan gets home I will have figured a good portion of it out, and I will be completely exhausted.

I am such a bum. I didn't even get dressed today. I have plans for a play date tomorrow afternoon, and I think I am going to lug the kids up north to the home depot tomorrow morning.

Maybe posting every day isn't such a good thing. It reminds me of how many days I have gone with out doing anything productive.

Not much going on today. I made soup, and made plans to pick up stuff from Kimis. I am tired. Good night.

I dropped the kids off and went to work of an hour or so and got a picture framed today. Kimi came by and I have had a few drinks at this point. I miss Kimi. It was a good night though.